A Letter to Myself at 7, and the Life I Lived to Write Back

"Dear kristy,

I love my parents I want to be a hair-dresser when I grow up. I wont be a murderer I will be a tenderly loving person. My birthday is in july the thirteerth I'm in year two. I made my first holy (commo) communion on the 20th of september.

from kristy."

Our Grade Two time capsule in 1987.

We wrote letters to ourselves and buried them, to be received in adulthood.

One of my younger siblings passed this on to me when I was in my early twenties and I can still remember sitting at the desk, pencil in hand writing this at the age of 7.

I don't remember thinking up the content, but I remember wanting to be a hairdresser because it seemed a glamorous stereotype and gender stereotypes were leading points for this little autistic girl in the 80s who sought to copy what everyone else was doing to keep myself safe, until I couldn't and my PDA became more externalised.

What I really wanted to be was a teacher but I didn't think I could.

I was in trouble a lot, failed much of school, was easily distracted, had a dissociative disorder and of course was PDA autistic ADHD. Behaviour modification programs only shamed me and instilled rage, and highlighted the danger in the misuse of power in adult/child dynamics.

I left school at 14 after my secondary years being mostly an experience of school avoidance. Drug and alcohol abuse, teen pregnancy, juvenile crime and chronic suicidality with NO support.

But I truly wanted to live and wielded that determination to do so.

I entered university as a mature age student at 24, and finally stepped into my own classroom as a P-12 teacher at the age of 29.

I've shifted gears and supported thousands of individuals and families who identify as autistic, ADHD and PDA to name a few and though I've slowed down, I continue to share parts of my own story.

Not a murderer. 100% a tenderly loving person.


KF