I Have Never Trusted the Panic Around Screens

I have never trusted the panic around screens.

Screens aren't harmless. But every child's relationship with gaming, YouTube, social media, streaming, chatting, scrolling, or online worlds is also not automatically unhealthy.

Of course there are risks. There's exploitation, bullying, sleep disruption, algorithmic harm, addictive design, exposure to frightening material, social comparison, isolation, and the way online life can become a place where children are both connected and vulnerable.

Let's not dismiss any of that.

But I have watched screens become the moral panic that allows adults to avoid asking better questions.

The questions we ask are often too small

A child is gaming all night, and the question becomes how do we reduce screen time?

A child refuses to come to the table because they are watching videos, and the question becomes how do we set firmer limits?

A teenager spends most of their life online, and the question becomes how do we get them back into the real world?

These questions may have a place, but they are often too small. They focus on the portal without asking what the portal is providing, what the child is leaving when they enter it, and what the so-called 'real world' currently feels like to them.

What the portal is actually offering

For many people of all ages, screens are not simply entertainment, or even avoidance.

They can be regulation. Predictability. Social access. Autonomy. Mastery. Identity. Communication. Parallel play. Story. Repetition. Special interest. Control over pacing.

A world with rules that make more sense than the rules of classrooms, family gatherings, playgrounds or therapy rooms.

A place where the child can choose, pause, replay, mute, leave, block, search, build, destroy, restart, learn, connect or disappear for a while.

When the physical world has become saturated with demand, the digital world may feel like a place where the body can breathe.

That does not mean the digital world is always safe. But neither is the physical one.

What we're asking them to return to

Adults often talk about getting children back to real life as though real life is automatically healthier.

For many children, real life has meant school trauma, sensory overload, social humiliation, constant correction, behaviour plans, medical appointments, family conflict, pressure around eating and hygiene, being misunderstood, being watched, being made to perform.

If that is the world a child is being asked to re-enter, then the screen is not the only issue.

The child may be choosing the place where they have the most access to self.

We should be careful before calling that addiction.

Sometimes it may be addiction. Sometimes technology is exploiting a vulnerable nervous system. Sometimes a child is stuck in a loop that no longer feels good and they can't exit. Sometimes limits are needed. But if we begin with addiction as the only explanation, we may overlook the wisdom in seeking a place a person can survive.

A portal can become a prison. It can also be a bridge, and the difference isn't always obvious from the outside.

The extended version

I've written a much longer piece on this over on Substack, where I go into gaming and what it actually offers a PDA child, special interests as devotional rather than obsessive, why online friendships aren't lesser friendships, what happens when adults turn an interest into a lever, and why removing a portal without replacing it creates panic.

I've also recorded myself reading it, so you can listen instead of read if that's more accessible for you. Pop it on double speed if that suits you better.

Click here to read or listen to the extended version on Substack

Kristy Forbes inTune Pathways