My children won't get the same Mother

In our home, we have an open and ongoing dialogue around equity, equality and how this might look within our family.

We teach our children through examples and conversations about broader societal inequities they’re able to grasp, and appreciate that equity is not the same as equality.

Equity is providing supports and accommodations to those who are at varying starting points; often starting from behind.

Our focus extends to disability in our family home, in order for our children to understand that equity means they will all receive the Mother they need, and the Mother they need will not be the same for each of them.

There is equality in the love, the nurturing, the consideration, the belonging and the connection.

And there is equity in all the ways in which it is provided.

One child is touch aversive, so love and nurturing is provided in other forms of connection. Long walks, drawing and reading together for hours, allowing them to teach me things and to be a curious and engaged learner.

Another child’s love language is to be held, squished, tickled and doted on with loads of affection. They also require a language that is well considered, with little to no demands.
Another requires plenty of accolades about their achievements, and an acknowledgement of their talents and skills, with mountains of praise; yet little to no physical affection.

Another requires care around the clock and assistance with communication and daily tasks, and loads of silliness and loud techno music that Mum dances to in order to provide entertainment.

Differing needs, differing supports, differing parenting.

We bring social justice issues into discussion every day, whilst also applying what we can from those examples into our own family dynamics.

My children will not all receive the same Mother, but they will receive the Mother they need.

-KF x

(Image is of Kristy and her two eldest children. They are all laughing at being grossed out by the amount of physical affection asked of us whilst taking photographs. Image is shared with consent.)