An opportunity to see ourselves

My eldest daughter

My first child

She bore the brunt of my raw and heavy trauma

Reflected back to me

All the parts

Like a mirror

I was inaccessible

Locked away inside

Angry

Threatened

I didn't know what I know now

Most of it I know because of her

Our relationship was disconnected

For a really long time

Severed for two years completely

My heart ached

I grieved

But I was angry

And control was more important

We can only control another spirit for so long

Until they break free

In whatever way they need to

She was only repeating what I had done

In my own relationship with my own Mother

Intergenerational trauma

The unhealed

Those parts we see in our children

Those parts that cause us panic

Discomfort

They're ours

We own them

Those parts are on offer

An opportunity to see ourselves

To acknowledge the unrest

I came to see

I came to see myself

I came to understand those parts

Of her

I found uncomfortable

Were the very parts

In myself

I longed to explore

I wanted to be free

I longed to let go

When things changed within me

Things changed without me

This is my daughter

The girl who had to follow

Obsessive, compulsive rituals

That sometimes governed her world

Fears and phobias

Anxiety

That disconnected her from joy

Today, she takes her anxiety with her

She takes her fear with her

And she takes her fierce neurodivergent self

All over the world

To explore the unexplored freedoms

That lay in wait for her

She does it alone

With intention

She is far braver and courageous

Than I will ever be

She is incredible

And luminous

And beautiful

And funny

And cheeky

And clever

And we are always working

On our connection

Now we come together

We meet as our true selves

.

.

.

(Shared with permission and encouragement from my wonderful daughter who returns to us tomorrow from another solo international journey).