An opportunity to see ourselves
My eldest daughter
My first child
She bore the brunt of my raw and heavy trauma
Reflected back to me
All the parts
Like a mirror
I was inaccessible
Locked away inside
Angry
Threatened
I didn't know what I know now
Most of it I know because of her
Our relationship was disconnected
For a really long time
Severed for two years completely
My heart ached
I grieved
But I was angry
And control was more important
We can only control another spirit for so long
Until they break free
In whatever way they need to
She was only repeating what I had done
In my own relationship with my own Mother
Intergenerational trauma
The unhealed
Those parts we see in our children
Those parts that cause us panic
Discomfort
They're ours
We own them
Those parts are on offer
An opportunity to see ourselves
To acknowledge the unrest
I came to see
I came to see myself
I came to understand those parts
Of her
I found uncomfortable
Were the very parts
In myself
I longed to explore
I wanted to be free
I longed to let go
When things changed within me
Things changed without me
This is my daughter
The girl who had to follow
Obsessive, compulsive rituals
That sometimes governed her world
Fears and phobias
Anxiety
That disconnected her from joy
Today, she takes her anxiety with her
She takes her fear with her
And she takes her fierce neurodivergent self
All over the world
To explore the unexplored freedoms
That lay in wait for her
She does it alone
With intention
She is far braver and courageous
Than I will ever be
She is incredible
And luminous
And beautiful
And funny
And cheeky
And clever
And we are always working
On our connection
Now we come together
We meet as our true selves
.
.
.
(Shared with permission and encouragement from my wonderful daughter who returns to us tomorrow from another solo international journey).