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How We Found a Way to Take Care of ALL of Our Needs

Uncategorized Oct 06, 2020

Before the youngest two of our four girls were old enough to go to school, my husband and I had a system.

It took us years to work out.

After many tears, sweat, rage, calling each other an arsehole at 2am.

We're autistic amongst other neurodivergences and we had no clue back then.

Most of our days were spent silently resenting one another over the toilet trips, being able to work, having an extra piece of chocolate, getting the grocery order wrong.

We really didn't like each other.

Our parenting life was one big ole tit-for-tat.

"I don't think you realise I'm up at 5 am every day just so I can get a coffee in"

"Yeah? Well try working, only to come home and be exhausted and not be able to rest"

Ugh. Silly duffers we were (still are from time to time!)

Being the avid list writing, calendar plotting (but never following through) human I am, I decided it was time for a system.

For our own care, support needs and mental health and well being.

One day a fortnight, one of us would have an entire day to ourselves from beginning to end. No questions asked.

Some days, he'd set up his gaming kit in our room and just game alllllllllllllllll day long, from 9am til 3am.

Other days, I'd pop on my headphones and watch Netflix in bed allllllllllllllllll day long.

Other days I'd go out, drive to the beach and take photos.

It was whatever we wanted to do. Whatever we needed to do.

We had a schedule for sleep ins and school pick ups and drop offs.

And it worked. No more resenting. Just getting it.

Looking at the calendar the night before and being good with it (mostly) that tomorrow was his day.

All good.

Yeah, no surprises there, we felt less stress, less anxious when we could see a break in sight.

When we knew what was coming up.

When we had predictability.


Autistic, much?

And so today, here I sit, after almost a year in some form of lockdown..

After having to make serious structural changes to my business and my time (it is currently seriously limited);

We are sitting down, discussing with each other what we need and putting together a good ole schedule.

This is what we do when we've lost our supports.

This is what we do when we want to be our best for the children.

This is what we do when we want to thrive as a family.

We take care of ALL of our needs.
Image Credit:

(Image description: A close-up photograph of a woman's hands, she holds a pen in her right hand and is writing notes in a paper notebook.)


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