When supporting families to find calm and peace in their life together collectively, Neurodivergence is profoundly important to understand and recognise.
In our extraordinary families, we balance significant support needs; up and down and in and out we go, a constant process of give and take.
Parents often balance out one another's capacity in any given moment, when one parent is reactive, the other tends to be responsive. This is because as neurodivergent people, we sense and respond to energy.
We meet energy where it's at and work with each other in families like the push and pull of magnetic force.
Our peace, our calm, looks different to the typical understanding of what those are; how they present.
Because, we are neurodivergent.
We are divergent.
Just as our individuality and uniqueness calls for a paradigm shift in understanding humans, so it is, with our lives.
Our partnerships, marriages look different.
Explosions of emotions spilling over in one partner may be met with their darling driving off in their car or hiding away in a room, shut down.
This, to the outside world, would be understood as dysfunctional.
But it's the coming back together, the calm after the storm, that models to our children and one another that we are still loved, even when we are dysregulated.
We model that we can recover from those moments of deep shame, that we can find new pathways of regulation for ourselves and our families.
Our development is divergent.
We should not be met with professionals speaking of "red flags" where divergence is attached.
Our developmental timeline is unique and wondrous.
Our babies are perfectly beautiful.
Chubby little hands and faces, mouthing all they can to learn all they can; processing and making sense of a world of sensory bombardment, their focus on their own development of regulation in a world that is new, and loud, and often overwhelming.
Our focus need not be on their eyes not being fixed on ours.
They are still very much connected to us.
To our energy.
They sense into our intentions, motivations and emotions.
Our exploration of family history; genealogy should be exciting. To explore where the autism, PDA, ADHD may have existed and in who and in which ways it was expressed.
Rather than searching for medical disorder, drug and alcohol addiction to cover the burden and pain of existing in a world that wasn't (isn't) right for our divergent ancestors.
I want to see an end to intergenerational trauma due to unidentified neurodivergence.
I want to be a part of the solution.
I want to be a part of the insurgence of divergence.
I want my descendants to find me in our family history and to know I was autistic.
Proudly autistic, supporting others to celebrate who they are.
I want our coming generations to live, shame free.
I want our autistic babies to be born, to be given space to thrive autistically.
I want our children given the basic human right of 'being'.
Not shoved into potentially unnecessary therapies because they're divergent.
I want freedom.
(Image description: A photo of a woman with short, brown hair leaning against a door frame. She is outside)
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