When there's not enough processing time.
Apr 29, 2021Parenting is tough.
Being autistic and parenting can be challenging when we share the same sensory challenges as our little people and need time and space to be calm.
Today we had a tricky moment and I said with more force behind my voice and energy than usual “I think it’s really important for us to have space to be calm right now.”
Our children won’t always respond well to this because it can feel like rejection and abandonment.
We want to be held close sometimes when we’re struggling.
But I, in that moment, was not able to give of myself what I didn’t have.
Calm.
We had space.
It was loud and escalated and upsetting for all.
That happens.
It happens in all families because we’re human beings.
And part of being an autistic human being is having very big emotions and not enough processing time in a single moment to respond how we would like to.
Fight and flight.
Survival.
This is normal.
Yes, our children will become upset if we take a moment away to regroup, to breathe, to close our eyes and ground ourselves.
But they’ll be far more distressed witnessing our meltdown.
And this is something that happens too.
We return to one another again, cuddle, speak gently to one another...
And I apologise.
When I make mistakes, I always apologise.
It’s okay for our children to see us struggle, it’s reality and it gives them permission to be safely human too.
But we regroup.
We think about how we might do differently where necessary.
But mostly, I remember to fill my own cup over and over and over so I can show up, be present and create secure and trusting connections.
And even in the moments where I think I’ve failed and my tummy and heart hurt to see my babies sad, they remind me of their unwavering love.
- KF
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