This is a difficult time. Let's acknowledge that.
Apr 07, 2021
Immerse yourself in communities, places and with people who feel right for you.
A group or page isn't necessarily safe or right because someone else says so.
Last night I jumped on to have a look around at what some of my neurokin were writing and sharing, and I came away with my stomach hurting.
My community, working overtime to overcome so much more than what we usually work overtime to overcome.
April is the month where we all throw our trauma at one another it seems.
I used to call myself an activist, but someone brutally pointed out to me on my page a little while ago that if I'm not going into other spaces and "disrupting" then I'm not an activist.
I'm not going to argue with that.
I just really, really care about people.
My neurokin, their families, educators and supporters.
I tell you what, I could throw up all kinds of incriminating images of myself and my children from a decade earlier; dressed in blue on "autism walks".
Sometimes I die inside a little when my Facebook memories come up on my personal page with memes about "loving someone with autism" but you know what?
Clueless. Just wanting to love my beautiful children and shout to the world that they are incredible, valuable and worthy human beings.
I was in so much pain. I was so scared. I was so sad. I was so desperate. I was so lonely. I was so isolated. I was so anxious. I was so depressed. I was so tired. I was so overwhelmed.
I wasn't shouted at by autistic people, I was educated by observation and respect for them.
But I fought them, for sure. I was scared. I was clueless.
One thing I knew for sure was that ultimately, these were the most important people for my children. Their neurokin. Their autistic community.
And then, I learned that I am autistic. And everything changed.
I stand up for what I want for families, individuals, for everyone, for all of us.
Love. Peace. Connection. Validation. Community. Respect.
There were days where I would be on my knees sobbing, screaming "I can't believe this is our life!"
Our family life in practical terms is the same as back then.
Challenging moments, days, weeks, people who talk non-stop (me), people who are non-verbal and require long term around the clock specialised care, self-harmers, all that stuff.
And plenty of incredible beauty and joy.
I don't feel the same as I did back then, I don't sob on my knees because I was gifted a complete reframe.
I don't delete comments from this space because I'm personally offended by them, or because I have an agenda. I don't ban people from here because I think they're awful.
I do it because I know others will be hurt, triggered, re-traumatised and my priority is safety for all.
I wish we could just hear one another, be kinder to one another, show one another REAL respect.
This is why I stay on the periphery.
Never truly immersed, but connected with who and what is safe and right for me.
I want to encourage you to do the same.
Sending out love to my neurodivergent family during this month, and acknowledging that this is the most difficult time of the year for all of us.