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Reflections

Essays from Kristy Forbes exploring PDA, autistic experience, parenting, identity, care, systems and the ordinary moments that shape family life.

Is this my child's lack of gratitude, or is it my grief?

Aug 31, 2025

Is this my child’s lack of gratitude, or is it my grief?

There are times I catch myself thinking my child is ‘ungrateful’ for the life they have the privilege of having.

So many of us will recall being told as children...

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A Letter to Myself at 7, and the Life I Lived to Write Back

Aug 24, 2025

"Dear kristy,

I love my parents I want to be a hair-dresser when I grow up. I wont be a murderer I will be a tenderly loving person. My birthday is in july the thirteerth I'm in year two. I made my first holy (commo) com...

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The pressure to “fix” autistic kids is hurting families

Aug 04, 2025

I’ve been raising, loving and supporting my own autistic children (four of them: 27, 20, 14 and 11) for 27 years this year. We’re a completely autistic family, with additional forms of divergence thrown in for good measu...

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PDA accommodations for children can be challenging for parents and carers to identify

Jul 31, 2025


My youngest says "No" and all its variations in response to almost every request I make of them.


And I don't flinch.

This is an accommodation. It is a means of balancing what feels off kilter for a PDAer when a demand is p...

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Advocacy for Education is not an attack on Educators

May 20, 2025

 

 

Whenever I write or speak about barriers to education for autistic children, or inaccessibility, or childism or discrimination, I am always met by those interpreting my lived experience as a direct attack on educat...

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How will they learn they are safe to say No?

May 10, 2025

(ETA: This is not a post regarding my personal life as a parent. My child's school are incredibly supportive and wonderful educators.)
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I was not surprised at a recent PSG when I asked about a child's provided autonomy...

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Raspberry slurpee on the carpet: How I coregulate as a Mum to PDAers

Feb 19, 2025
 

Two weeks ago, my ten-year-old spilled a raspberry slurpee on my bedroom carpet. 

I was exhausted and snapped. I raised my voice in panic and frustration and immediately regretted it. 

For many of our children, humilia...

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What is PDA?

Dec 02, 2024

What is PDA for me? I can only share my own experience.

When I was interviewed this year by a national newspaper on PDA, I told them I only care about families who are in crisis and having a hard time not being further ...

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Firmer boundaries, comfort zones and PDA

Nov 25, 2024

I recently heard a Clinical Psychologist recommend parents of PDAers do the following:

- Have firmer boundaries

- Use declarative language ("It's important we shower for healthy skin" to have child shower)

- Continue ...

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When Productivity Meets Burnout: The Importance of Slowing Down

Oct 08, 2024

This year saw my beginnings in trauma therapy. While there are many definitions of what trauma therapy is, and varied approaches, I’m clear on one thing: this has been the most significant and most painful (and perhaps r...

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