Reflections
Essays from Kristy Forbes exploring PDA, autistic experience, parenting, identity, care, systems and the ordinary moments that shape family life.
Lay the flowers at your own feet
Speaker: [00:00:00] I was thinking this morning about when my children were younger, all four of them. Three of them were at school and one was still in a sling attached to my body. All four of my children are autistic, ...
I stopped trying to teach my child and started learning in front of them
I used to think I was doing the right thing by constantly offering activities, explaining things, turning moments into learning opportunities. Every car ride was a chance to point something out. Every walk was a chanc...
What self compassion actually looks like for parents and carers raising PDAers
I need to start by saying this isn't the kind of self-compassion post where I tell you to go have a bath and light a candle. Being told to "look after yourself" when you're grossly unsupported can feel like gaslightin...
When burnout looks like breaking: what's really happening when our child's behaviour unravels after chronic stress
When my children came out of chronic, prolonged stress, I expected things to improve quickly.
They were safe now. The source of stress (school) had been removed and surely, I thought, the hard part was behind us.
I exp...
From Shame to Safety: For those of us who didn't understand our child's neurodivergence, and caused harm they now carry every day.
I think it's so important for those of us who are able to be honest about our earlier days and our learning, to share it. So I want you to know that if you have caused harm in your parenting due to being unsupported, und...
Why Easter can feel so hard for my family
If you, or your family are really struggling right now over the Easter break, I want to share that this is very common for PDAers.
This is when as a PDAer myself, I know that my nervous system is doing exactly what ...
Instead of trying to get my child off screens, I started making the rest of the house worth coming out for
I used to fight screens.
I'd set timers. I'd negotiate. I'd try to lure them away with activities, outings, suggestions. "Why don't you come and do something with me?" "You've been on that for hours." "How about we go o...
"I want to try school again..."
When we’re raising PDA kids, or any kids with school-related trauma, one of the hardest moments can be when they say:
“I want to try school again.”
On the surface, that might sound hopeful. Brave. Promising.
But as parents,...
Who owns knowledge? Neurodivergence, power and the colonisation of lived experience
Institutional cynicism does not appear out of nowhere, nor does it simply emerge because individuals working within systems become tired, burnt out, or skeptical over time. Institutional cynicism grows out of systems ...
Listening to the children who resist
It is remarkable how often adults express confusion or indignation when children, particularly children labelled pathologically demand avoidant or oppositionally defiant (note - those who resist and/or oppose), question ...